Leading in Two Directions: How to Manage Up and Lead Your Team
“We need this faster.”
Your sponsor says it in the hallway, then heads into another meeting. You’re left holding a project plan, a full team calendar, and one very incomplete instruction.
Faster by how much? Which part? What can change?
An hour later, someone on your team says, “This timeline is impossible.” Now you’re carrying both conversations, and neither has given you a useful next step.
This is the middle of the job for many project managers and team leaders. You answer to people whose priorities you don’t control. You coordinate work with people who may not report to you. You need decisions from one direction and commitments from the other.
I call this leading in two directions. The approach I teach uses four tools: State First, Outcome, Get Specific, and Influence. They work together, in the order you’re likely to need them.
1. State First: Notice who’s about to answer
Before you work out what to say, notice what’s happening in you.
Did your shoulders rise when your sponsor said “faster”? Did you start building your defense? Were you about to promise a date you haven’t checked?
I see four familiar reactions under pressure:
Braced: You prepare to defend the plan, complete with forty backup slides.
Flooded: Your mind goes blank, or you explain everything at once.
Accommodating: You say “Sure, no problem” before you know whether it’s possible.
Pushing: You get clipped and directive. “Just get it done.”
You may recognize a different version of yourself in each direction. Accommodating with your manager. Pushing with your team. The pressure you absorb in one conversation can travel straight into the next.
Start by naming your reaction in one word. Take a breath. Ask yourself, “What does this conversation need from me right now?”
That pause gives you a moment to choose your opening. You can be concerned about the deadline and still speak clearly about it.
Written messages deserve the same attention. Read your draft before sending. Does it contain the information they need, or every reason you’re frustrated? Have you buried a necessary decision under “sorry,” “just,” and “if you get a chance”?
“I need your decision on the timeline by Thursday” can be both respectful and clear. You don’t have to make the request smaller to make it kind.
2. Outcome: Decide what this conversation needs to accomplish
There are two outcomes to keep in view.
The project outcome describes what the work should make possible: “Clinic staff can schedule patients in the new system by March 1.”
The conversation outcome describes what needs to happen when you speak: “Dana approves one of the two launch options by Thursday.”
I want you to know both. The project outcome explains why the conversation matters. The conversation outcome tells you what to ask for.
“I want my sponsor to understand” leaves a lot unfinished. What would understanding look like? An approved date? A decision about a feature? Permission to add help?
Going up, you’ll often need a decision. Going down, you’ll often need a commitment: “Each developer names one blocker and one piece they can complete by Friday.”
Before the meeting, write one sentence with a person, an action, and a date. If you can’t tell whether it happened, make it more specific.
In email or chat, put that request near the top. Give the reader the decision before the background they need to make it.
3. Get Specific: Going up, bring a plan. Going down, ask
“Faster” has a picture behind it. Your sponsor can see that picture. You’ve only received the word.
The same thing happens with “better,” “more strategic,” and “just handle it.” We can use the same words and picture entirely different work.
I learned to listen for that gap in workplace investigations. Someone would say, “She was angry.” I needed to ask what they had actually seen and heard. Shouting? A hand hitting the table? Those observations gave me something specific to work with.
You can listen that way in everyday project conversations. What’s missing: a target, a name, a behavior, or a definition of done?
When you’re managing up, bring a proposed answer.
Instead of handing “faster” straight back, try:
“I recommend moving the reporting feature to phase two so we can launch on the 15th. I’ll bring you the revised plan Thursday. Can you approve that scope change, or is keeping the feature in the first release more important?”
Now your sponsor has a concrete tradeoff to consider. You’ve done the thinking and made the decision visible.
Keep the proposal separate from permission. Changes to scope, dates, or resources need explicit approval from the person who owns that decision. A quiet inbox doesn’t settle the tradeoff.
When you’re leading your team, ask for their picture.
“This timeline is impossible” is a place to begin:
“Walk me through which part feels impossible.”
You might learn that testing depends on a vendor file nobody has received. That’s a different problem from having too much work assigned, and it calls for a different response.
Ask one useful question, then listen. Five questions delivered without a pause can feel like a cross-examination, even when you meant to be helpful.
4. Influence: Make the next step easier to consider
Once the problem is concrete, pay attention to how you present the next step.
Start with something you both care about. Offer choices that are workable. Leave room for information you don’t have.
Going up, that might sound like:
“To protect the March launch, we can move reporting to phase two or request temporary help. I recommend moving reporting because it avoids extra cost. Which option would you approve?”
Going down, it might sound like:
“The clinic needs scheduling ready first. What do you see that I’m missing, and what can we complete while we wait for the vendor?”
The first makes a decision easier to assess. The second invites the team’s knowledge into the plan. Both connect the request to a reason.
Notice what your opening assumes. “Why is this late again?” starts with an accusation. “What got in the way?” gives someone room to explain the problem. You can still address an unmet commitment once you understand what happened.
If a written exchange starts getting tense, consider a call. Tone, pauses, and a chance to ask one follow-up question may help you resolve what another long message won’t.
Keep warmth and direction in the same conversation
I ask leaders to notice where they lean with their manager and with their team.
Too much accommodating can leave dates and decisions unclear. Too much directing can leave no room for someone to tell you the plan won’t work.
You can acknowledge the person and name the need in the same sentence:
“Thanks for working through this. I need the revised numbers by 3 so I can get them to finance.”
Warm. Specific. A reason the deadline matters.
Your Monday Plan
Pick one conversation you’ve been putting off. Write down the person and the topic, then prepare these five things:
Your state: What reaction do you expect in yourself? How will you pause before answering?
Your outcomes: What’s the project trying to achieve? What decision or commitment does this conversation need?
The fuzzy phrase: What vague wording might you hear? Prepare a proposal going up or a question going down.
Your opening: Say it out loud. Does it sound like you? Is the request clear?
The date: Put the conversation on your calendar.
You are responsible for your part of the conversation. You can notice sooner, ask more clearly, and make the next decision easier to see.
Start with the conversation already living rent-free in your head.
If your leaders are navigating these conversations every day, explore speaking and facilitated workshop options with me.
