Managing Up While Leading Your Team
Oct 1, 2026 · @Barbara Jenks
“We need this faster.”
Your sponsor says it in the hallway, then heads into another meeting. You’re left holding a project plan, a full team calendar, and one very incomplete instruction.
Faster by how much? Which part? What can change?
An hour later, someone on your team says, “This timeline is impossible.” Now you’re carrying both conversations, and neither has given you a useful next step.
This is a normal day for many project managers and team leaders. You answer to people whose priorities you don’t control. You coordinate work with people who may not report to you. You need decisions from the people above you and commitments from your team.
I call this leading in two directions. The approach I teach uses four tools: State First, Outcome, Get Specific, and Influence. They work together, in the order you’re likely to need them.
1. State First: Notice your reaction before you respond
Before you decide what to say, notice how you’re reacting.
Did your shoulders rise when your sponsor said “faster”? Did you start building your defense? Were you about to promise a date you haven’t checked?
I see four familiar reactions under pressure:
Braced: You prepare to defend the plan, complete with forty backup slides.
Flooded: Your mind goes blank, or you explain everything at once.
Accommodating: You say “Sure, no problem” before you know whether it’s possible.
Pushing: You get clipped and directive. “Just get it done.”
You might react one way with your sponsor and another with your team. For example, you accommodate your sponsor, then push your team. Pressure from one conversation can carry into the next.
Start by naming your reaction in one word. Take a breath. Ask yourself, “What does this conversation need from me right now?”
That pause gives you a moment to choose how you start. You can be concerned about the deadline and still speak clearly about it.
Do the same with emails and chat messages. Read your draft before sending. Does it contain the information they need, or every reason you’re frustrated? Have you buried a necessary decision under “sorry,” “just,” and “if you get a chance”? Are you talking around the issue instead of saying it directly?
“I need your decision on the timeline by Thursday” can be both respectful and clear. You don’t have to make the request smaller to make it kind.
2. Outcome: Decide what this conversation needs to accomplish
Before you talk to anyone, get clear on two things: what the project is for, and what you need from this specific conversation.
The first is the project outcome. It’s the result the whole project is working toward. For example: “Clinic staff can schedule patients in the new system by March 1.”
The second is the conversation outcome. It’s what you need the other person to do by the end of this one conversation. For example: “My sponsor picks one of the two launch options by Thursday.”
You need both. The project outcome is the reason the conversation matters. The conversation outcome is the specific thing you’re going to ask for.
A lot of project managers go into a meeting with a goal like “I want my sponsor to understand the timeline problem.” That’s a start, but you won’t know when you’ve gotten it. What would understanding look like? Approving a new date? Dropping a feature? Agreeing to bring in more help? Decide which one you need and ask for that.
What you ask for usually depends on who you’re talking to. With your sponsor or manager, you usually need a decision. With your team, you usually need a commitment. For example: “Each developer tells me one thing that’s blocking them and one piece of work they can finish by Friday.”
Before the meeting, write your conversation outcome in one sentence: who, what they’ll do, and by when. Then test it. After the meeting, could you answer yes or no to whether it happened? If not, rewrite it until you could.
In an email or chat message, put that request in the first line or two. Tell the reader what decision you need, then give them the background.
3. Get Specific: Bring your sponsor a plan. Ask your team for theirs.
When your sponsor says “faster,” they have something specific in mind. Maybe a date. Maybe one feature they need sooner. All you heard was the word.
The same thing happens with “better,” “more strategic,” and “just handle it.” Two people can use the same word and mean completely different work.
I learned to listen for this in workplace investigations. Someone would tell me, “She was angry.” I needed to know what they actually saw and heard. Was she shouting? Did she hit the table? Those details gave me something I could work with.
You can listen the same way in project conversations. When a request is vague, figure out what’s missing. Is it a number or a date? A name? What someone should actually do? What “done” looks like?
With your sponsor, bring a proposed answer.
Don’t just ask “How much faster?” and hand the problem back. Come with a recommendation:
“I recommend we hold the reporting feature for a later release so we can launch on March 1. I’ll bring you the updated plan Thursday. Can you approve that change, or is it more important to keep reporting in the first launch?”
Now your sponsor has a clear choice: launch on time without reporting, or keep reporting and move the date. You’ve done the thinking, and they can see exactly what they’re deciding.
Then get a clear yes. Changing what the project includes, when it’s due, or who’s working on it needs approval from the person who has the authority to make that call. If you send the proposal and hear nothing back, you don’t have approval.
With your team, ask what they’re seeing.
When someone says “This timeline is impossible,” start by asking:
“Walk me through which part feels impossible.”
You might find out testing can’t start because the team is waiting on a file from an outside vendor that hasn’t arrived. That’s a different problem than people having too much work, and you’d solve it differently.
Ask one question, then listen. If you ask five questions in a row, it can feel like an interrogation, even when you’re trying to help.
4. Influence: Make the next step an easy “yes”
Once you know the actual problem, think about how you present the next step. Three things help:
Start with the goal you both care about.
Offer options that would actually work.
Leave room for what you might not know.
With your sponsor, that could sound like:
“To keep the March 1 launch, we can either hold reporting for a later release or bring in temporary help. I recommend holding reporting because it doesn’t add cost. Which would you approve?”
With your team, it could sound like:
“The clinic needs scheduling working first. What am I missing, and what can we finish while we wait for the vendor file?”
The first gives your sponsor a clear decision with the costs laid out. The second asks your team for what they know so the plan can use it. Both tell people why you’re asking.
Pay attention to how you open. “Why is this late again?” sounds like an accusation, and people get defensive. “What got in the way?” lets them explain what happened. If someone didn’t do what they said they’d do, you can still address that once you understand why.
If an email or chat thread starts getting tense, pick up the phone. Hearing someone’s tone, and being able to ask a quick follow-up question, can sort out what another long message won’t.
Be warm and clear in the same conversation
Notice which way you lean with your sponsor and which way you lean with your team.
If you lean toward accommodating, dates and decisions can stay vague because you don’t want to push. If you lean toward directing, people may not tell you when the plan won’t work.
You don’t have to choose between being kind and being clear. You can thank someone and tell them what you need in the same breath:
“Thanks for working through this. I need the revised numbers by 3 so I can get them to finance.”
That one message recognizes their effort, gives a specific deadline, and explains why the deadline matters.
Your Monday Plan
Pick one conversation you’ve been putting off. Write down who it’s with and what it’s about. Then prepare these five things:
Your reaction: How do you expect to react when this conversation starts? What will you do to pause before you answer?
Your outcomes: What is the project trying to achieve? What decision or commitment do you need from this conversation?
The vague words: What unclear wording might you hear, like “faster” or “impossible”? If you’re talking to your sponsor, prepare a proposal. If you’re talking to your team, prepare a question.
Your opening: Say your first few sentences out loud. Do they sound like you? Is it clear what you’re asking for?
The date: Put the conversation on your calendar.
You can’t control how the other person responds. You can control your part: noticing your reaction sooner, asking for what you need more clearly, and making the decision in front of them easier to see.
Start with the conversation you keep thinking about.
If your leaders have these conversations every day, explore speaking and workshop options with me.
